loneliness

[daemona]

again...an older one...


Such loneliness
in a crowded room;
me wanting to deny
this poor existance
me wanting to forever
stay encaptured
in my cubicle of
dreamy imagination.

I´m so frightened
of the demons outside
those demons that throw
fiery stones
and want to burn my wooden walls
of dream.

Don´t you hear my voice shouting:
Why ?!

I´m asking myself
will haunting only end with death?
Can dreams only be real
in suicide?
And does anyone listen
does anyone ever answer?
Will there ever be someone who even
bothers to think about
answering questions
that seem too extreme
too desperately focused on death?
Focused on a dream
that is a ghosthouse?

It´s dark and gloomy
i admit
but if I and my ghosts light a few chandaliers
it sure is kinda comfortable.
Doesn´t the flickering flames
build up a lovely atmosphere?
And don´t the shadows
in the corners
allow me to imagine in them
whatever I want
there to be?

Maybe I should write a book...
a book about fading life
for I seem to knw more about
the stark feelings
of an ending life
than I know about living.
So what, am I too morbid?
Just 17 years
but feeling the weight of life
as if it had been a hundred of them.
Feeling the wisdom
of one who´s close
to passing
while lacking experience
of those years
between.

[grouchmuffin]

I like this-especially the first stanza. I believe it captures the angst that nearly everyone feels at some point of their lives. Angst is not only reserved for teens-I think we enter into it during various stages of our lives. We think we outgrow it and BAM! It's there again. Nicely captured emotions here! =) Hugs, grouchy

[Elle Rush]

Eloquently expressed frustrations... I relate so much at times. Grouchmuffin is right, angst comes throughout our lives... I think each phase brings new things to adjust to, grow into... thus creating insecurities and frustrations all on their own, and then environmental factors play in, as well... life seems to be one big puzzle meant for us never to put all the way together ....
beautifully written.

[PoetOfSerendipity]

Gee.. I have to agree too. The quiet desparation... Nice write daemona!! Hope you're enjoying sharing as much as we're enjoying reading!

[Ken Corbett]

"Feeling the wisdom
of one who´s close
to passing
while lacking experience
of those years
between."

Actually, this line is very "mature". It evokes desperation, a sense of desire to continue in spite of the ennui with life ... a struggle, if you may.

I might be tempted to surgically remove some sections that weaken your theme ... the section
"Maybe I should write a book...
a book about fading life"
seems a little weak and pedestrian ...

I hope you don't mind, I like to add what i hope is a touch of constructive criticism without singeing the poet's ego. You'd do the same for me, I'm sure.

Ken

[PoetOfSerendipity]

You know daemona.. you'd be surprised how many people feel desparate inside while appearing fine outside.. we construct our walls that we let people see.. and then we think somehow that what we see in others is real.. when it is ALSO only what they let us see.

I felt a lot less alone once I realized that....

Thanks again for the write..

Mike

[daemona]

wow..now i kinda have a truelly bad concience for not replying earlier to all your comments :-( where is my head? I must have lost it somewhere while analysis the darkness and melancholy of annibale carracci for my essay

grouchmuffin & elle:
you two are absolutely right we might grow and age and of course we transform and change but the old insecurities and fears hardly ever seem to fall behind..they move along if we want to or not
...but then we do need the both to enjoy life...as we can only see the stars against the darkness of the night sky...without it we would be totally ignorant of their beauty :-)

@poet: i´m glad you enjoyed reading despite the somber theme and yes you´re right with pointing out the difference between what people let us see and what they truely feel inside...it reminds me of a much loved quote by Goya: "The world is a masquerade; face, dress, voice, everything is fained...everybody deceives everyone and nobody knows anybody!"

Ken Corbett: no need to apologize for your critic. I appreciate your comment! And you´re right i admit... it is a long piece back then when i wrote it i tended to stretch things, at times overdramatizing things, and they are parts, like the one you pointed out, that could´ve left out.
I don´t know why i didn´t look it over before posting...maybe a certain feeling of nostalgia? who knows ;-)

so well...thanks for all your comments,it´s been a great pleasure to read them :-) *knuddel*

[PoetOfSerendipity]

"...but then we do need the both to enjoy life...as we can only see the stars against the darkness of the night sky...without it we would be totally ignorant of their beauty "

I reeallllyyyyy like this statement!!! Mind if I plagerize it in my LC journal?? It's a wonderful thing to hold on to when things are not going so well.

Glad to see you back!!!

[daemona]

what sure you can use it... the thought isn´t solely mine either i read in some tantra book in a similiar version once and just thought it was so beautiful that i carry it with me in mind now so go ahead

[david]

Awesome, daemona!
Another beautiful work. I especially adore the first two stanzas...