Suicideville

[daemona]

well i wrote this like 4 years before and well i honestly wasn´t in the best mood...but maybe you liek though...



Eyes closed I lean back
against the cold iron pole
that separates me from the depth
being only inches away.
I´m tired
of always hiding my true emotions
tired to live in a world
that seems to only love itself.

I turn around one last time:
What is keeping me here?
All I see is dreary
and even though the playful draft is trying
it cannot caress my burning wounds enough
to erase the pain.

I´m ready to end things here...
...my hands close tightly around the bars
then out of a sudden
as if guided by unseen spirits
I sag at my knees...
...and jump.

I believe I´m crying
but I couldn´t tell for sure
the growing tingle in my belly
is too overwhelming
it´s intensitiy increases and increases
raises until it seems unbearable.
But I am not afraid
am I ?

The ground moves closer
and closer
I start counting sheep
childhood memories
of times I was too
troubled to sleep.

Then a pain so sharp
but I´m lacking the strength to scream.
I just lie there
unmovable
until it all fades to black
until I feel nothing anymore
not even pain.

[PoetOfSerendipity]

WOW... I've never even contemplated suicide.. but know several friends who have.. I now understand how they felt. I wish we could all right as powerful pieces about hope.. about GREAT love.. about happiness. I wonder why we don't... is it because when we're happy we're too busy with other things?? I don't know... but wow.. this is a powerful piece.

It's one of the reasons I like Haystack.. and bed at a slant.. they're about imperfect worlds.. but worlds with hope.

...hmmm... think I just rambled on her a lot!! demona.. if you're ever at that point again.. I can tell you that you'd be robbing the world of a lot of good poetry!

[Solace512]

As Poet said, I too have never even considered suicide, but have known people who have thought about it. Me being a spiritual person and all-I'm going to tell you that the lord never gives anyone more than they can handle. It may seem too hard at the moment but it is nothing that you can't overcome. You might not be able to overcome it alone, but there are people around who can help.

Anyways, (don't take offense to my spiritual ramblings) I'm just expressing my beliefs on the topic. This being an older poem, I hope that those feelings have since diminished.

powerful expression here...keep writing and writing and writing. It is so good for the soul.

[daemona]

well let me tha twhat i wrote in front of the poem might´ve been a little bit misguiding...

writing this I wasn´t seriously considering doing something similar. The situation was that my mood truelly had been shity because of things that I felt i didn´t have the power to change. So in those times feel the need to be alone with my thoughts so what I do is take a large bag with all a sad person could need: a book, cigarettes (yes i know it´s unhealhy), my notes, the alanis cd´s, chocolate (and yes i´m also just a woman lol) stuff like that...and have a walk until i find a nice place to stay...sometimes I´ve been spending whole days like this (i probably scared the one or other older lady judging from the glances...thinking i´m a drg addict trying to steal her money for new stuff or whatever...). So that day i wrote this i coincidentaly happened to come across a bridge...and since i liked the view i stopped....and all in all, bad mood..bridge...the thought simply occured...not that i really wanted to jump it was more about trying to get a hold on what makes some people do and what is it that holds others back though they might not feel less bad....you see?
So this piece is mostly about empathy and trying to go through the steps in mind not in physical way...
my feelings of sadness are mine according to the mood i was in but the story of truelly taking a jump isn´t personally connected to me.

If i made anyone worry. I´m sorry I didn´t mean to

anyways thanks fpr reading and sharing your thoughts

...@solace: no i´m not taking any offense, i do have similiar believes, but even if i hadn´t you only stated your opinion and did not attack anyone so why should i feel angry

[Elle Rush]

We all have our weak moments, maybe we handle it differently, but Daemona, you are so strong--- it is obvious- that you, my dear... are a fighter!
Even here, in suicideville.... there is love.
Keep writing it out. Smoke, eat chocolate, let the old ladies stare.... But, for our sake, and yours,
please keep writing & sharing.
Look at YOU... your spirit. Your honesty shines like a beacon.

[daemona]

awe thank you so much for your words elle!
I think you got me blushing now.

[PoetOfSerendipity]

Hi daemona!!

Well.. if you weren't so darn good at expressing the thought.. .so darn good at painting the picture.. wow.. I WAS worried that you had contemplated it at some point... so take it as a complement. You also made me understand what some of my friends have gone through.

...and I agree with Elle.. you are a fighter!! WOOHOO..

Mike

[daemona]

well then I will take it as a compliment, but again i really didn´t mean to make anyone worry.

Caro